Drunk Guy Staff Changes, and Falling in Love
Many of you may have noticed me adding a writer to my page, who was going to make content and work with me in making drunk guy's website great.
He had his own ex, and he was going through his own pain dealing with the situation. He had some less then complimenting things to say about her, which were put up here. Me and her started talking because she wanted them taken down, even though i changed her name. Talking lead to discussing, and we got infatuated. We met, and we've fallen for each other.
Needless to say, Jeff isn't taking it super well. We still talk, but I ended up running off with his Angie. Needless to say he lost the drive to work together with me, and is all around unimpressed with my movements.
needless to say he's still here, still writing, and just sulking in the meantime. needless to say there will be more comics. needless to say. Lesson here?
Uh, no sex in the champagne room and always wear sunscreen?
Amount of women who want me to stalk them up-
Amount of women who i am willing to stalk, down.
First off, female fans, I hate you. This site isn't for you, its for the men in pain. I'm sure someone can make www.acid-girl.com and have comic strip where you sleep with a ton of people just to stay happy, you struggle with your weight, and you constantly don't understand why no one can be nice to you. This is not that comic strip. You can't relate with me. If you decide to talk to me, and you want to just thrust your sexuality at me, then you are not a fan of mine, as you don't get this at all. Go hunt down Thilo Savage and he can enjoy it.
This comic isn't like a stunt. Its real, with a ton of hyperbole and exaggerations in the comic. Almost everything written is 100% real. Don't be shocked. Also, suicide is funny.
Rora, myself, and tango
A not very often released fact about me is i casually dance tango. I am actually rather bad at it. Rora left the company, and our friendship started to deteriorate. She is a very flaky person when not related to business, and I am a very emotionally demanding friend. This naturally lead to her flaking out on me a few times, and one time it really hurting me emotional.
I thought it over, and with a soft cry with a fan girl decided i couldn't handle being friends with her. So I would just let her drift into acquaintances. This won't be reflected until a few new comics in, as I already have one with her and I clearly still friends, but it will come, and most likely won't even get its own strip as that is dreadfully dramatic.
Why does it belong here, as this isn't just my diary non-sense? I started dancing because I wanted to dance with her. And now, I don't have any interest in dancing with her. I still want to tango though. Its actually one of those scenarios where everything worked out, besides the whole rora thing.
Myself, Adee, and Kaci
My friend has a kid (Adee), and she has been letting me watch her. I love Adee so much! She is an amazing little child. She makes me wish i had a kid so bad. The hope is to get her comfortable with me, so i can more routinely watch her, as Kaci is afraid her schedule will change and not allow her to be with her child as much. Adee makes me so nervous, I forgot what it was like to be nervous. One time, my friend Ian was like "Lets go drinking" (we were already drunk, no way i could stay proper) and i knew Kaci would be there, and i didn't wanna go because i didn't wanna look bad infront of her. He was shocked- he's never seen me care about anything before. I also have stopped sleeping in my car and actually sleep in my bed, so i make sure i can shower and dress nice in case Kaci calls me to watch Adee. These are my dreams!
Adee can still make me cry though! Kaci was rehashing a story where Adee wanted to learn to fly and fly away forever. And Adee knew that if she did it, her mother would cry forever. Made me all teary eyed. Adee also told me she loved me and i could barely keep it together. It sucks she'll have to be an adult one day.
Angie won't ever make me happy again
I gotta stop lying. Angie is over, she will never love me again. I am overflowing with my want to be sweet to her. At the same time, I am crippled by my love of drugs and my work-a-holic nature. Plus I'm not all that good looking. I plan to put all my failures here in hopes of winning a girl over. At the very least, it will make sure when I get rejected, I get rejected in a big way.
Here is to my failures, suckers. I'm going to start this section with putting up what scraps of sweet things I had made for Angie. I'm sure you don't care. But I care. She was wonderful, and she'll soon be reaching me to make me take it down.
Here is a mug I made with Angie. There is some sweet stuff written on the back, theres also a bowl I made but never picked up from the place cause it all hurt so god damn badly.
This development in my life may be very slow. Are you a girl? Do you want me to be sweet to you? Send me an e-mail at jessedictor@gmail.com.
my drinking buddy (ian) been laid off
We've been drinking together for a while, and we have been through a lot together. Including losing all of our other friends and slowly being 86'ed from all of the establishments we use to frequent. drinking is what drinking does. We've been kind of forced to drink moderately quietly in our cars and recount times we were able to go to things. every once in a while we just get drunk in public and try to break things.
And he's been been laid off. He's gonna bolt back to California most likely. Leaving even less in this rotten disgusting town. Portland is a haven for idiots and hippies. I dunno. I don't sleep much anymore. Maybe I'll go with him out of this stupid town. I have things to figure out. Friends are to hard to come by.
Recalling slipping away
I was talking to someone at tango about our suicidal thoughts and experiences. She had never tried, but she had plotted out how she might do it, and possibly even make a device to secure she wouldn't make it and to make sure her pets were cared for. I find this to not be impulsive enough. Even i find a sense of peace knowing that i plan to, but its never set like a day. Its an impulse. The thought makes me recall what it was like to pass out thinking i would die. Its a lot of sorrow at first, and then this perfect feeling of relaxation as you just let everything go. All the sensation of being tense flee your body. You feel like you are starting to float as you pass out. I suppose this is what death is like for people who are not afraid of it.
i had dinner with Genia
things went better then expected. Weird, she's been following this web page. She thought it was about her.
She also almost made a fan comic. Also, some of my fans still harass her and jeff. I have the best fans.
a typical night
i lay in bed after light drinking. i am alone.
i am on fire.
The quiet night haunts me with misery and missing the only thing that ever made me feel better. Its a cruel trick really. I don't think she understood why i was so ready to have her use me- nights like these make it so clear why. She made me happy, even when she would use me. And now, i am in bed, alone. To make it worse, i have no lights in my room. I gave them away, as i have learned to hate all my property.
I decide to go to a drive to see if it doesn't cheer me up, with light hopes of finding someone to continue drinking with in the late evening. This is not as hard as it sounds when in Portland. But i was in my home in Troutdale. This area is full of trees and fields and farms. Its very pretty during the day. This night however, it just showed that we were still close to the city to see beautiful stars, but also rural enough to not be able to see anything but what my headlights insist on.
I drive home, disappointed, but feeling a little better. I end up seeing a small blinking light from within the community college near my home. I investigate it to find a bike's light still blinking. I decide to steal them off all the left behind bikes to light up my room. I break some off, some just come off, some just don't seem to work at all ever. I take them and put them in an empty pickle jar i have at home, with them blinking an unromantic red light in all directions. I go upstairs with the jar and attempt to go to sleep.
I lay there, looking at the jar, alone. Its furious blinking reminds me of Genia. This naturally makes me sad. I'm unsure if the blinking is beautiful or annoying, but I know how it makes me feel. I decide to grab the jar and hold it next to me, and try to feel a little comfort. It leads me to thinking, if this jar can make me feel better, maybe someone who isn't Genia could also make me feel better.
God the thought made me feel so sad. I decided to cry myself to sleep and try again (at feeling better) the next morning, when i had to rush off to work.
Cyber crushing pretty hard for this girl: http://milktrees.tumblr.com/ and http://twitter.com/oneheartbeating . I don't think I am the only one. I bet she's a guy anyway.
Music to Compliment Your Misery
The Magnetic Fields
All time most miserable band. They are brillant. If you were to get anything from this site, anything at all, it would be this band. Trust me. It feels good to cry.
Owen Pallett
Owen Pallett is a talented violin player who sings more passionately then anything you'll hear on MTV. His songs don't tend to be as sad, the his voice definitly echos suffering. If Zoe Keating ever went to sing along with her Cello, I would bet my hate she would take his spot. Owen's music is very complex, he uses a foot peddle audio loop, and still manages to change from 6/8 to 5/8. Classical music fans will probably be more impressed.
Mountain Goats
There most famous album, Tallahassee, is about the Alpha Couple, two drunks trapped in a marriage where they still actually love each other. THey just hate life as well. I find it to sound about right. Things can go right, and you still just feel bad. You can fuck off the few things you have going for you, and you for some reason feel the best you ever felt.
Rasputina
Just fucking wonderful.